


Restore Me

by swallowthewhale



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 11:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4826630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swallowthewhale/pseuds/swallowthewhale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The McKinley prom turns out a lot more like Sadie Hawkins than Blaine ever expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Restore Me

Blaine wishes, every day, that it was him instead. When he gets home from the hospital, bruises on his jaw and stomach just starting to fade, he locks himself in his room and prays that he’ll wake up from this nightmare. But every time he falls asleep he only relives the attack, Sadie Hawkins bleeding into McKinley’s prom, always ending with Kurt’s face, battered and bruised and blank.

He doesn’t eat, because he only vomits it up after one of the dreams, and keeps his room as dark as he can, so he doesn’t have to look at the pictures of him and Kurt spread across the walls. His mom knocks on his door exactly three times a day to ask him if he wants anything, and closes the door quietly behind herself when he doesn’t answer.

It’s weeks later, he thinks, because a moment feels like an eternity at this point, that his aunt comes. She knocks lightly before opening the door and doesn’t say a word, just curls up behind him on his bed and holds him while he cries. She doesn’t tell him it’s going to be okay, or that he’ll move on, or find someone new, or that life will go on. She doesn’t apologize or make excuses or tell him that things happen for a reason. It’s not what he needs - he needs Kurt to be alive again - but it’s better than nothing.

She slowly coaxes him out of bed, then out of his room, then out of the house. Bringing him wherever he wants, and if he won’t choose, then to the park. She doesn’t make small talk, or ask him to tell her what he’s feeling. She hugs him when he’s upset and brings him home when he cries because that’s the color of Kurt’s favorite sweater and Kurt really hated that song and Kurt had always wanted to try that restaurant.

They visit Burt, and most of the time they’re there, Blaine is locked in Burt’s embrace, both of them crying. They don’t go into Kurt’s room, at first. It’s not for nearly two months that Burt and Blaine venture in together to sort through Kurt’s things. Blaine leaves with a few boxes and the heart-wrenching feeling of having no more tears to shed, even though he wants to cry more than anything.

They put together a scrapbook of pictures of Blaine and Kurt, and take down most of the pictures in Blaine’s room, except for the one they had taken just weeks before the prom. Kurt is hugging Blaine from behind, arms around his waist and chin on his shoulder, both of them smiling brilliantly at the camera. Blaine leaves that picture on his bedside table and puts the rest in the photo album in the box with the rest of the Kurt-things.

The next day a small white envelope arrives in the mail, addressed to Blaine. He opens it to find a photo of them dancing at prom, Kurt in his crown and Blaine looking at him as if he’d hung the moon. Blaine spends the next week in bed, trying his best to cry the pain away.

By the end of the summer, he’s managed to piece together some sort of normalcy. He gets up in the morning, runs two miles, eats breakfast, plays piano, takes a walk, eats lunch, goes to the gym to box, visits his aunt, eats dinner, reads in his room, goes to sleep, repeats. It’s empty and meaningless, but it gets his parents off his back, so he makes it work.

\---

He’s reading in the living room, when his dad looks up from his laptop and papers to frown at him.

“Blaine,” he says. “Are you done with all this moping nonsense? Because you need to focus on your schoolwork this year so you can get into a good college. Junior year is the most important, you know.”

Blaine just gapes at him, and his aunt looks up from her seat on the couch, tensing.

“Kurt died, dad. My boyfriend died. Right in front of me. I was there. And you’re asking me if I’m over it? Just like that?”

Blaine’s father clears his throat. “Blaine, what happened to that young man was unfortunate, of course, but if he had chosen a different lifestyle-”

“You’re saying that Kurt had this coming?” Blaine shouts. “You think that Kurt chose to be gay? That I chose to be gay? You think that we chose to be harassed and bullied and shoved into lockers and called names every day? You think we wanted to have the shit beaten out of us? You’re saying that Kurt deserved to die because of something he couldn’t change any more than you can change the color of your eyes?”

“Lower your voice, young man,” Blaine’s father says sharply.

Blaine glowers at him, breathing heavily, and suddenly realizing that he’s standing. “No,” he says flatly. “I will not lower my voice. I’ve had enough of this bullshit. Kurt was my boyfriend. I love him. I will always love him. I deserve the right to deal with my loss in my own time and in my own way and fuck you for telling me otherwise. I will probably never move on because I watched someone I love die in front of me, because I couldn’t protect him. Because I was stupid enough to think that we were safe at a school. Because I thought that together we could face anything, handle anything. I was wrong and I feel guilty as hell, but I will not “put this behind me.” This is going to live with me for the rest of my life and the least you could do is be supportive of me for once.”

Blaine’s aunt stands slowly and as soon as she reaches Blaine, he’s pressing into her shoulder, folded into her embrace.

“I think,” she says quietly. “That maybe it’s best if Blaine comes to stay with me for a while.”

Blaine’s father stares at her. “Blaine’s home is here, with us.”

She only blinks at him. “Blaine’s home is wherever he chooses to make it. But I sincerely doubt it’s with you. Because for all you call yourself his father, I haven’t seen you act like it the entire time I’ve been here.”

Blaine’s father colors and presses his lips together furiously. “Now, see here-”

“I want to go with Aunt Cora,” Blaine says, voice muffled slightly until he turns back around. “I want to go to Boston and start over and get out of this godforsaken state.”

Blaine’s mother finally speaks up from her perch in the corner. “Blaine, darling-”

“No,” Blaine snaps. “You’ve had your chance. You shuffled me off to Dalton after the Sadie Hawkins dance, and now you’re just waiting around, not trying to help at all, until I magically get better. The only one who’s helped at all is Aunt Cora. And I’ll be sad to leave Burt behind, but he has Carole and Finn and he’ll be okay.”

“But your friends are all here,” his mother tries again.

Blaine’s already shaking his head. “I’ll keep in touch with them, on Facebook or email or Skype. But they’ll understand.” He presses a kiss to his aunt’s cheek. “Thanks,” he says quietly. “I think I’m going to go start to pack.”

She smiles at him and rubs his shoulder before turning back to his parents. “You can come visit, if you want. But I don’t think we’ll ever be coming back here.”

Blaine’s father sputters a little, papers a mess around his chair and face still red. 

His mother sinks back into her own chair, looking pale. “Cora,” she says.

“I’m sorry. But you’ve had so many chances to do right by that boy, but all you’ve ever been able to do is pretend that he’s going through a phase and pressure him into trying to be this perfect little son. You’ve never been able to see past his faults to his talents. Have you ever listened to him sing or play piano? Have you ever seen him dance or perform on a stage? Have you seen the photographs he takes or heard the music he’s written? He’s going to be great, no matter what career he choses. All he ever wanted was your love and support. Which is all you’ve ever owed to him. So I’m going to bring him to Boston with me, where no one gives a crap about two men holding hands, where he has the option of marrying someone he loves if that’s what he wants. And I’m going to love him enough for the both of you, goddamn it.”

When she turns the corner to go up the staircase, she finds herself with an armful of Blaine.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he whispers fiercely.

She hugs him tightly. “You may not be able to move on,” she replies. “But we’re going to get through this, together.”

\---

The day before Blaine leaves Ohio forever, he visits Kurt’s grave and lays down a single carnation that’s more brown than pink by now. It’s torn and limp and beautiful. And he presses a kiss to the cold stone and promises that Kurt will always be the love of his life.


End file.
